i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
