To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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