Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
