omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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