He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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