Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
