When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I cut my penus on the lid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
