There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
