i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dear god my vagina.
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