OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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