Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
