that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
