a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
