I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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