Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
