Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
