when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
