Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drake has all the answers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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