When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
