he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
