Kiss
Puke
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
