Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
