told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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