literally had 100 drinks last night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
