It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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