i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
