Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
