Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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