Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
