Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
