Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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