You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
