just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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