what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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