why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
