You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
