we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
