quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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