just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
