So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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