he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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