You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
