I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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