1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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