That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
