Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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