I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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