nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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