Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
