he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
