Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
